Falling from the nest…

It has been longer than planned since I last posted, but I’m still here trying.  I have officially had my last day with my preceptor and my next shift (tomorrow) I’ll be on my own.  I know that I can ask another co-worker for help (I hope), but it is still a scary and exciting milestone.

Things that have popped in my head:  It is interesting to me what family members will tell the nurse, but will not tell the patient AKA their family member/loved one.  For example: “I’m kicking them out of the house and I really do not care where they go from here, but please don’t tell them because I am not telling them today.”  Okay.  It is not my information to tell, or is it?? I just hoped my patient would not ask, but lucky me “what did so-and-so say to you at the desk?”.  In nursing school they tell you about advocating for your patient, but where does this fall?  I can’t be the one to tell them this information, I also do not want to lie and have them found out I knew, and I do not want to break the trust of the family member at the same time.  Yikes!  Next: “Their beloved dog of 12 years is dying and I am afraid they will leave AMA if they know, just wanted to make you aware of the situation, please don’t [AGAIN] say anything.”  Great.  Just call me the lying two faced nurse because I am over here hoarding secrets from my patients.

In other news, I started my new nurse residency program this week.  I have mixed feelings about it.  I think I am glad to have it because ever since moving (oh yeah I now live in a new city where I know no one) I have had a hard timing making friends so I looked forward to that aspect of it.  However, when I got there, somehow everyone knew each other.  Maybe they went to the same nursing school?  Luckily I am introverted and shy enough to see this as a complete road block to being open to new friends.  Did I mention I am a fan of sarcasm? 🙂

The truth is I truly enjoy being alone.  I like shopping alone, watching TV alone, going for coffee alone, etc.  I am so picky about friends that I usually end up with none.  I tell myself I am looking for quality not quantity and quality has yet to shove it’s face in mine and force me into friendship…?

Back to nursing.  I have had the pleasure of being “fired” from caring for one patient and then five minutes later walking into another room with nothing but gratitude from another patient for “taking such great care” of them.  I want to educate people so badly on their situation, but sometimes people do not like this.  “I’ve been in a hospital before, I know everything about high blood pressure.”  Who needs me? Maybe I should go in the break room then and kick my feet up and take shots of mountain dew.  I need to let it go clearly.

Patient ratios.  Yikes! I feel like I went into nursing to care for people holistically, not scan them like a can of vegetables and bag’em up fast to get to the next joker in line.  Don’t get me wrong, I do my best.  I have actually been impressed with how well I am at not skipping steps and still trying to do all I can for people.  I could do so much more though with fewer patients not to mention learn more.  Right now our ratios are 1:5.  This is not a med surge floor.  This is progressive care on steroids.

Things to work on: time management.  I do not mind being busy as long as am getting things accomplished.  Charting will most certainly be the death of me.

So many more thoughts…… Must. Post. More. Often.

Until next time,

Nurse CVJ

P.S.  I stopped watching Grey’s Anatomy, gag.

P.S.S.  I’m trying to read more and watch less.  Currently reading “Truly Madly Guilty” by Liane Moriarty (love love double love “What Alice Forgot” by her and she also wrote “Big Little Lies” that was made into a series available on HBO) as well as “The Rule of Thought” which is the second book in The Mortality Doctrine by James Dashner (author of The Maze Runner series).  The two polar opposite genres of these books, along with the fact that I am in the middle of both, describe me in a nutshell. 🙂

This is important

First year nurse, first blog, first post!

01/19/2018

Hello! This is my first post, on my first blog ever! A little about myself: I graduated from nursing school in August of 2017 with my BSN and am now a full blown RN on a cardiac tele floor.  As a new nurse, I have already begun to feel the struggle and have been told by many to write down my journey so that I can look back and see how far I have come.  I tried an actual journal and it turns out I do not like the act of physically writing.  I think my brain is too fast for my hand so typing it is!

In nursing school I was always interested in the ED and ended up doing my synthesis (capstone) in the ED of a trauma center.  During that time I realized I both hated the ED and absolutely loved it.  I feel that there is a lot of opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life as long as you withstand all the “extra” that walks in the door.  I understand that there are many flaws in the system that have an effect on the ED, but I, personally, do not wish to monitor patients who are in need of food, a bed to sleep in, getting their UTI managed, or their 10/10 stomach ache tended to while they text on their phone.  Don’t get me wrong, I feel for the people that have no where else to turn to for these things for one reason or another, but I am more interested in the actual crisis that comes rolling in on the stretcher in dire need of assistance.  I would absolutely adore becoming a trauma nurse one day.  I also know that the path to get there is a ways off for a new nurse and starts in the ED.

I also share a love for the ICU for similar reasons, in that there is opportunity to truly make a difference in someone’s life.  I want to one day be so “on top of my sh*t” that I can handle truly critically ill patients that may need a new course of action every step of the way.  For me it is hard to choose between the two specialties (ICU and ED) and have intentions of a full time job in one while working PRN in another.  In reality I want to be open to new opportunities.  I do not want to be so stuck on my path that I miss other journeys.

How did I become a floor nurse instead?  Well, I am a new nurse with zero experience so a big part of that means taking what I could get.  The hospital that I was looking into was not hiring in the critical care fields for new nurses at the time and my next best bet was to get in to the hospital in general and eventually make my way to….somewhere?  The floor I went with (cardiac tele) is more of a progressive floor and has turned out to be a huge challenge.  We have the same ratios as a MedSurg floor (5:1), but 3 out of the 5 patients fit ICU criteria.  We get patients on drips, post op, trachs, and more.  Needless to say, this is an amazing opportunity to learn and grow into the nurse I hope to become.

With that said, I am 110% overwhelmed.  I have never had a job this hard, this demanding, and this difficult to get a grip of.  As soon as I understand the inner workings of an area, another bottom drops out to reveal even more; I can never catch up to where I feel confident.  I am not use to this level of struggle at work and I am most certainly too hard on my self, which shakes my confidence as a whole and I know that I look like a small fish trying to navigate the ocean in front of peers.  Many of those I work with are nice, but this being a hard floor, a tough exterior is needed and they are not afraid to show it.

So to catch up: I have gave my first unit of blood, emptied my first colostomy bag, done my first chest compressions, seen my first adult death, seen my first child death, been snapped at by a doctor, cried in the bathroom, reconsidered my career choice, had a patient thank me for all I had done, taught a family member about their loved one’s condition, caught a patient mishandling pain meds, seen more arrhythmias than I can count, met a man who ran 38 marathons, felt so happy I could cry when seeing a patient with a therapy dog after missing his dogs at home for too long, and cared for a patient with lice for a few hours before knowing it.

It feels like I have so far to go, but in a few short months I have experienced a lot.  I will get there, I have to be better at taking care of myself, deep breathing, being okay with not knowing, asking for help, and smiling.

Until next time! 🙂

Also, re-watching Grey’s Anatomy for the third time in my life (this time as a nurse).  Physicians putting in IVs and transferring patients (among so many other things) HA!